I'm lost and stupid without you.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
