If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Randomize
