If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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