Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
