Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
he thought i was a dude.
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
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