They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
