i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
