there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Say something about gay babies.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
