he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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