I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
