You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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