Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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