Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
