is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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