you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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