if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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