I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
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