Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
