we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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