I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
