pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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