Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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