Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
