This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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