If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
