is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
