playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
