I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Boobs speak an international language.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
