you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Randomize
