Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.