My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
