now i know why i became what i already was.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Randomize
