There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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