Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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