I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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