I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
