3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
