I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
My breasts were aching with rage.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Randomize
