Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
