I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
