So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
