i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
