I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
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