went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
high people should be assigned attendants
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
