R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
