you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
My bed smells like the plague
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