You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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