Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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