I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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