Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
