Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
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