if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
