At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Are we still banned from the library?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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