i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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