'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
