we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
