i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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