Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
