Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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