i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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