we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
