Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Randomize
