wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
