Don't make out with my wife yet
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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