if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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