I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
