All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Randomize
