the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
