he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
