take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
