She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
