just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
