I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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